Hypothetically Speaking

I was visiting family Where They Live Without Wegmans and I went to their grocery store that is spelled with an X when an X is utterly unnecessary.


My sister-in-law and I sometimes do a comparison between Wegmans and Where She Has To Shop, and she rather likes where she has to shop even though they don't sell coffee and they don't have coffee cup holders in the carts. 


I had been not going to her preferred grocery store, the close one, because it had a misplaced X.
I'd been driving down the road to Because of Winn-Dixie, because the X in there is properly used.


My sister-in-law told me that her store with an unnecessary X is not as I imagined it.  I imagined it with dusty barren shelves, perhaps mice, and half-opened boxes of cereal.


I imagined the food labeled as such:


Carrot stix
Peaz
Bananaz
Magazinez
Coox suppliez (cooks supplies)


But assured that it was not as such, I went in.  And bought another King Cake.


Because of Winn-Dixie sells King Cake without the tiny plastic choking hazard, which is also the Baby Jesus.


Publix sells King Cake with the tiny plastic choking hazard, and some beadz too.
Also included is a brief history of King Cake wrapped in plastic.  Which is helpful since I eat it once a year and generally don't know why. 
Now, I know why: something about French settlers, 12th century, good luck, plastic choking hazard. 


I was checking out, and after handing the cashier my money, she held up a $20 bill and said "What would you do if you found out that one of these was fake?" 


I looked at the money she held up.  It looked real to me.  There was another woman bagging my groceries.


"Oh yeah," she said.


I looked at the woman bagging my groceries, and then the cashier.


"Would you be mad?" the cashier asked me, still holding up the $20 bill.


"Are you saying the bill is fake?" I asked. 


"No," said the cashier, "I'm sayin', would you be mad if you found out that some of your money was fake?"


I was so confused.  I looked between her and the woman bagging groceries.
She was not saying my money was fake. 
But just supposing it was...


"I would be....so....mad."  I sounded unconvincing.


"I heard that happened," the woman bagging my groceries added, "at a bank.  Some of the customers found out they'd been given counterfeit bills." 


"Oh," I said.


"I know," the woman bagging my groceries said.  "Can you believe it?  If you'd been given counterfeit money?"


"I would be....so mad." 


She looked at my cart.  "Do you want help with those?  Want me to load your car?"


"No thank you."




When I got back to relay this story to my sister-in-law, she told me that the cashiers like to be very friendly. 


"With hypotheticals about fake money?"


"With anything."


I immediately decided Publix could be a fun place to work. 


What would you do if I said you could have all these groceries, but not the bread, and not the Cheerios?  Would you be mad?


What would you do if I took your money, and also took your groceries?


What would you do if I counted out your change in pennies?


If you had 5 guesses for my name, without looking at my name tag, what would they be?


If you could re-name King Cake, what would you name it?


What if your choices for grocery bags weren't 'paper or plastic'?  What if they were 'metal or glass'?  Would you be mad?


Would you pick metal?


What if you picked glass, and then dropped it right as you got to the door?




I heart Publix 4 realz. 

Consent

"One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time."


--Andre Gide

Wondrous

Love the transition...from jiggity hop to o my soul!

Day of Reprieve

Growing up, Lent in my house was serious stuff, and included bread and water on Fridays (but it was delicious, home-baked bread), lots of meat-free days, fish loaves (not like the loaves and the fishes, but a loaf of fish ) and no tv.  Which I never remember agreeing to but was somehow implemented anyway.  So my resolve on that one was minimal.  There was also a meal on fine china with lamb and mint jelly.  I think this is what Jesus had at the last supper, and so we had it too.  I don't know why he had mint jelly but I wish he'd picked something else.  Like, baked potatoes with sour cream and chives. 


I have a friend who, when we compared religious traditions of our childhood days, was like, "Lent is awesome.  I'm going to do Lent."  And she made this huge chart of 40 days, on poster board, and listed what she was giving up, and what she was going to do.  And she asked me to participate, and I didn't want to because her chart was pretty intimidating.  So she did her own Lent thing, and she's Jewish, and she had a more successful Lent than I ever did.  When I told her about Sunday being the Day of Reprieve, also, about St. Patrick's Day being a day off, I think the edited version of her response is that that was for weenies.


I've been thinking about this Day of Reprieve, and currently, I think this:  it's not for weenies, but it's not helpful either.  It's nice to know it's available.  But in creating any new habit, or dropping any old unwanted habit, at least 21 days straight are required.  And a day of reprieve would interfere with ever getting to 21 days straight.  So.  I'm not taking the Day of Reprieve.  Starting next Sunday.  It's too late today. 


Also, I seem to have birthed a Lenten enthusiast.
My kid, two days into the 40, said, "I really like Lent."
I asked her why, and she said, "I like giving up things.  And getting to do new things."
Whatever. 


I am not giving anything up, but I am creating a new habit and so far, I am winning.  If my friend is doing the Lent chart this year, I would sign up, even if it's on poster board and publicly tracked.  That's how kickin' this Lent is going to be. 
Bring on the salmon loaf.

50 shades of art

When life throws you a demand you can't quite reconcile, sometimes a 9 year art project is in order.


Some people collect souvenirs when traveling cross country.  Others collect marriages.


Meet Maria.


"I didn’t want to leave empty-handed, so I married a Miller Brewery T-shirt just to represent the state. "

Falling Hard

I heart Harper Lee.