Hypothetically Speaking

I was visiting family Where They Live Without Wegmans and I went to their grocery store that is spelled with an X when an X is utterly unnecessary.


My sister-in-law and I sometimes do a comparison between Wegmans and Where She Has To Shop, and she rather likes where she has to shop even though they don't sell coffee and they don't have coffee cup holders in the carts. 


I had been not going to her preferred grocery store, the close one, because it had a misplaced X.
I'd been driving down the road to Because of Winn-Dixie, because the X in there is properly used.


My sister-in-law told me that her store with an unnecessary X is not as I imagined it.  I imagined it with dusty barren shelves, perhaps mice, and half-opened boxes of cereal.


I imagined the food labeled as such:


Carrot stix
Peaz
Bananaz
Magazinez
Coox suppliez (cooks supplies)


But assured that it was not as such, I went in.  And bought another King Cake.


Because of Winn-Dixie sells King Cake without the tiny plastic choking hazard, which is also the Baby Jesus.


Publix sells King Cake with the tiny plastic choking hazard, and some beadz too.
Also included is a brief history of King Cake wrapped in plastic.  Which is helpful since I eat it once a year and generally don't know why. 
Now, I know why: something about French settlers, 12th century, good luck, plastic choking hazard. 


I was checking out, and after handing the cashier my money, she held up a $20 bill and said "What would you do if you found out that one of these was fake?" 


I looked at the money she held up.  It looked real to me.  There was another woman bagging my groceries.


"Oh yeah," she said.


I looked at the woman bagging my groceries, and then the cashier.


"Would you be mad?" the cashier asked me, still holding up the $20 bill.


"Are you saying the bill is fake?" I asked. 


"No," said the cashier, "I'm sayin', would you be mad if you found out that some of your money was fake?"


I was so confused.  I looked between her and the woman bagging groceries.
She was not saying my money was fake. 
But just supposing it was...


"I would be....so....mad."  I sounded unconvincing.


"I heard that happened," the woman bagging my groceries added, "at a bank.  Some of the customers found out they'd been given counterfeit bills." 


"Oh," I said.


"I know," the woman bagging my groceries said.  "Can you believe it?  If you'd been given counterfeit money?"


"I would be....so mad." 


She looked at my cart.  "Do you want help with those?  Want me to load your car?"


"No thank you."




When I got back to relay this story to my sister-in-law, she told me that the cashiers like to be very friendly. 


"With hypotheticals about fake money?"


"With anything."


I immediately decided Publix could be a fun place to work. 


What would you do if I said you could have all these groceries, but not the bread, and not the Cheerios?  Would you be mad?


What would you do if I took your money, and also took your groceries?


What would you do if I counted out your change in pennies?


If you had 5 guesses for my name, without looking at my name tag, what would they be?


If you could re-name King Cake, what would you name it?


What if your choices for grocery bags weren't 'paper or plastic'?  What if they were 'metal or glass'?  Would you be mad?


Would you pick metal?


What if you picked glass, and then dropped it right as you got to the door?




I heart Publix 4 realz.